I Thought I Knew it All, Then I Lost Everything

At 15, I was sure about what I want to be when I grow up. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to work for a magazine. Thus, I studied Journalism.

When I turned 20, I got my first job at one of the leading TV Networks in the Philippines to be part of a magazine even before I march on the graduation stage. I was an Editorial Assistant turned contributing writer. God knows how extremely happy I was when I got to work for a magazine, not for my dream company but still, it's for a magazine. 

I did everything I said I would. I did everything I thought I wanted. I did everything people expected me to do. I thought, I was already contented that I got to fulfill one of my biggest dreams. But the excitement and proud moments of seeing your byline wears off. 

So, I took a leap and found myself in the field I said I'd never do, ever. I was too brave that time, I wasn't afraid to enter a new path even if that meant a whole new world. I got in to a world I'm clueless about. And surprisingly, I'm still here. My bosses liked my work, some even praised me for it so I thought, maybe I'm good at this. I enjoyed those moments and those matter to me a lot.

People often praise me for knowing a lot of things. Sure I can do a lot—I write, I shoot, edit photos, basic graphics, style, do hair and makeup, etc.—but I'm not sure where I'm really good at and that confused me. 

At 23, I discovered that my achievements were not enough to sustain me because it lacked soul and passion. All of that ambition, all of my accomplishments, and all of the hard work was not for me to feel good but for me to look good. In a way, it really didn’t feel like me at all.

I've come a long way, they say. But to me, I'm far from the best. There are other people at my age who has achieved more than I did. So I began to question who I was, who I am. Until I lost myself at 23.

But you know what, I've come to realize that not everything is for you, and the willingness to give up on that which you are not meant for isn’t failure, it’s a sign that you actually love yourself enough not to get stuck in a life you don’t really want.

As I enter 24 today, I'm slowly learning to just let things be. I will try not to dwell on my mistakes but rather focus on my achievements no matter how small or big they are. I'm going to do what I have to do until I can do what I want to do. I'll create the life that I want. 

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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